when u kn the date of your death...

Sunday. yes, this Sunday. and its not a great feeling. 4 days. I kn whats goin to happen on taht day and i m preparin myself for that. par hota nahi hai yaar. nahi hota. tears just dont stop. heart is pumping hard. my breathe is shortened and i m choking. my life is coming to an end. a slow end. every second is hard to pass. clock's tick is annoying, it is strikin hard in my mind. no matter how much i m tryin not to think of it the more it is registerin its presence. i never thought this could be it. but this is it and the faster i realise this the easier my death would be...

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a turtle's life

my life has suddenly turned a turtle's. Spending each milli-second is tiresome. tick tock tick tock tick tock.......

There cannot be a bigger punishment than this.

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PROFOUNDITY AT LAST

what does one mean one taking a break? I want to be alone for sometime and see where this is goin? What? I just realised... It means beginning of an end.

Beginning of an end. BEGINNING OF AN END.

Honestly, I never imagined this day. And the more I think of it the more disgust I experience. What am I tryin to realise in this break? Whether I want to be with you or no? Hell, I know this answer. I dont need a "break" to realise anything. I want to be with you.

Suddenly, this whole idea of a "break" seems so odd. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS MEAN? Can we stay away from each other? WHO THE FUCK WANTS TO?

SHIT. I CANT BELIEVE WE DID THIS. The profoundity has just shown its colour. This is the beginning of an end. AN end I thought would never come but life does have some serious surprises in store for us.

FUCK. I. CANT. BELIEVE. THAT. WE DECIDED. TO STAY. AWAY. FROM. EACH. OTHER.

I GUESS THIS IS IT THEN.

CIAO.

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so it has begun....

i have realised that I am not the same witty guy I used to be... he isl eft far behind... do I regret? Not really, but I do miss him. Do I want him back? May be not. Why? Because I am happy this way.

Now, if someone feels that i have changed coz I hurt many with my earlier behaviour and I have been forced to "change", I say get a life. I really dont care a damn abt anyone. ANYONE. I have changed coz I felt that change is good. Am I happy, Yes I am.

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expectations...

my expectations are going down... which is a good thing... we all know that expectations cause problems... everytime... I expect... i do.. a lot... its tuff to calm them but I am doing it.. with success... 

yes its true that i m upset... and in this upsetness i m alone... a truth, alas, cant be changed. 

cant even say this as i will be reminded of the bad times i showered upon... 

in silent whispers, i too suffer... but its ok... as i have brought down my expectations. 

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at every step, every juncture, i have failed. two people can be diagonally opposite but what makes the relationship work is that they love and learn to adjust with each others shortcomings. They learn to hold hands and walk when one of them halts. They learn to speak when the other cant.

I may be bad, intentions crooked, aim unrealistic... but loved unconditional.

two sides to a coin, one yours and one mine. which is more correct or more wrong, i m no one to decide... but you are correct I kn. Tried to make evry attempt to change my way. failed. even if i believe that i was changing.. you dont and that is what matters.. change was for me.. but more importantly its for you. With my actions, I m hurting you, every second and couldnt give u a single day of happiness. Life to me is seing a smile on your face and makin you feel that i love you.

may be we wont talk again, may be i ll get back to waht I was, or may be i ll remain waht I am as I may nt have changed at all... whaterver it amy be... My intentions have always been pure, my feelings, sacred.

Havent had a easy life and not blaming anyone for that but myself. May be the sins of my past life will haunt me forever. May be I did something very horrible to someone in my past life taht this is what i got. Dont want to hurt anyone else for my misdeed, I let go of things.

When I wanted to be alone, I never was. and today when I want to be with you, I am not allowed to.
Already sufferin from the punishment for things i did to you, minuscule as compared to waht u went through. Remember you as a breathe of fresh air in my life. Now on, i am choking to death.

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